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About Varied / Student Member Jess (Right)18/Female/Canada Groups :iconjesss-brigade: Jesss-Brigade
 
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If you hate me right now but you decide to read this, I appreciate it. You made the effort to learn both sides and I respect that.

You can't call it truth until you hear all sides. Scan through this and look at the evidence I have or even read it all and learn my side. It's long because I did not leave any detail out. Well that's not very true, my memory is fuzzy so I left out the unnecessary or insignificant pieces. Anything important was included.

Believe what you want but you know it's naive on your part when you only know half. I've learned this from my own experience and I feel it is necessary to post this given I've got an army full of haters just from one post on Tumblr that was misleading. I'm enraged with how people simply can take that as enough evidence to go after me for something I did not do. I am no saint but I did not do such levels of "emotional abuse" to someone as she did to me. I used those words to her first btw. But you guys don't even know my side, I'm not vocal about my problems and of course "the squeakier wheel gets the oil".
I don't care if this is immature to post this to public and I'm aware two wrongs does not make a right. But I felt the need to correct things, explain the details left out of the original rant by my so-called friend who can't talk to me in person, cannot be truthful to me and just goes behind my back and posts an almost damaging rant about me to ruin my week. To those who are willing to see the other side of the story, I give you full permission to ask questions and if you want evidence, I can dig it out for you to support myself. I do not let things like this go and I am determined to defend myself in this ridiculous case. I don't care because I know this isn't true. I will be honest, I worry over how I appear to others and the fact this doesn't bother me is enough for those who know me to figure out that this is all complete bullshit.

I'm not the one who posted a hurtful one-sided rant on Tumblr. Keep that in mind.

I was not the one who attacked. Keep that in mind...

So I finally read this, really didn't want to and shouldn't have: cookyy-the-nerd.tumblr.com/pos…


Let's get this straight. And I will have much more respect for those who decided to immediately side with this rant on Tumblr at first, if they at least take the time to read this and make an effort to balance both sides of the story before making judgement on me.


Here's something.
A friend and I made a project based on a mutual motive. This friend got too focused on her own stuff and cut out my contribution so I resorted to my own separate thing given I had learned from talking to other professionals that, studios look for your original stuff, not things you helped make. I've had family pressures to do something with my stuff and my family isn't exactly supportive or friendly about the whole art thing. I suppose this is common for almost all artists given the cruel "starving artist" stigma that shits on their goals. That and other personal family things that almost got the cops involved had stressed me to limits I could not handle without breaking down randomly in the middle of class when a teacher asked me "What's wrong? You seem tired". 

A defense thing I do when levels of stress strike me? 
I look at the things I can control and separate them from the things I can't. At the time, I was bitter because my ideas were literally being replaced, recolored or just flat out ignored or forgotten. Not recolored literally. It's an analogy. My ideas that I originally started were a mere foundation that my friend and I were building off of and connecting to as well. How she recolored this? She kept the basic foundation I started but sprouted her own things that completely ruined the old plans I had. And she didn't even ask, she just went with it, like we didn't have certain things planned out. Perhaps she forgot but she's been so untrustworthy lately, I don't know if she's actually truthful to me anymore. So I started my own thing, with the ideas she replaced with her semi-original ones. Because I felt hurt. With this I got inspiration from a person that was not the accused friend as listed in the rant in contribution of the group we ran off to work on together, and I wanted to work on an old project. Yes old, not new. I started this project a long time ago, around or even before the whole LWaR/ IC thing was made.

Want evidence? Look how old this new project is sinister-saints.deviantart.com… , founded 11 months ago. That was when I decided it should be a RP group.
Once upon a time there was a fan-based RP group who's founder got so consumed into fantasy mmorpg game called AION, she left them out. She was so focused on this Aion game over her proclaimed friends and eventually the group died out and fell inactive because she would not admit that she had done something wrong or was doing anything wrong. She would look for any excuse to blame except herself. Those who are reading this, you know EXACTLY what I'm referring to and do not forget that.

That was how I met her actually, she was advertising the group and I joined and we became friends. We got closer to the point we shared many things. Interest we'd never mention to certain friends, secrets, problems, personal or family. We were close.
Then she started telling me these horrible details of her life and implying all sorts of things. I'm empathetic because I've suffered through similar if not same issues so I immediately feel even closer; I  found someone who knows how that feels.

One day she tells me about how her family forced her on these god awful pills that she didn't want to take for her depression. I fucking researched these pills to make sure her parents were not those parents who think pills fix everything. I have had friends who've suffered that as well. I researched the pill, I did a background check on this "Evil therapist", I even asked a lawyer at my mom's office for advice in how I could help her. Want his name too? David Helm of Kidston and Co. He wasn't a lawyer that focused on crime or family disputes, he was a lawyer who focused on properties and wills, but he at least had some legal knowledge. The fact I was in Canada and her in the USA, did not phase me at all. There were still efforts I could take.

Then she does this to me. I'm really not up for scrolling up on my text messages, they probably aren't even there any more as this was years ago but I can claim that one of her followers had offered to help me in this situation as her mom in her occupation could aid if the case really was bad. Oh yeah, I also looked up a news investigator given you can only get someone to help you these days if there was something in for them, at least for strangers. I even asked the investigator for advice!


She texts me about how she was forced to take these pills and how they were making her feel dysfunctional and how she was scared. She hastily bids a farewell and leads me to suffer in worry. And boy did I panic.

Here was the convo with that follower/friend that offered to help. I don't want to drag her in this so I replaced her name with BLANK.
sta.sh/03395x9yagr

As you can see I was an entirely different person...

I must have fed her attention because she followed through with more similar cases, implying she was in greater need than she was. When I first met her, I was a girl who wore my heart on my sleeve, I would go far in trying to help someone and instantly trust their words were true. My parents always told me that its a bad weakness of mine too and when I was seeking support in helping my friend, they questioned if she was being truthful. I refused to question her trust because I trusted she was being truthful and that she really was in danger. I researched things and concluded that indeed, being forced to take harmful pills is pretty damn close to child abuse. I was out to collect whatever I could to help her and even debated on making a long distance call to social services in USA for help.

Do you know the story of Cry Wolf? Can you make connections? Not yet? Keep reading.

So here and there we had these fights. They could be over anything. I was edgy, she was edgy whatever the case, fights were normal. However it always resulted with a last minute message on her part and an abrupt logging off WHICH PISSED ME OFF. In my opinion, leaving your friends to worry when you can tell them details, that's cruel. She implied how mean her parents were and how bad of a relationship she had with them. I've skyped her, and that poor relationship with her parents is far better than what I've ever had. And here and there she'd say good thing about them and mention fun times with them. I didn't let those go by unnoticed. 
That pisses me off too. I know I have shitty parents and I've lived with it. But every once in a while when my grandma states the obvious and the common sentence "I've never seen a family so uncomfortable around each other such as yours" I do break down and feel sorry for myself. But when someone uses that situation as a pity-party starting fable? That's infuriating. You're practically mocking those who suffer in that by wearing it as a costume to get attention. My situation HURTS. But I am strong and I deal with it.

So this time where she told me she was going to the hospital, I can collect those messages easy.

Please have a look, I'll show you what's REALLY happening. fc00.deviantart.net/fs71/f/201…


What she did to me there is no less different from the other times. I was tired of going on these vicious "joy rides" just because she wanted my sympathy. You do not toy with your friends' head like that. 
Oh I love this.
I told her and implied she was emotionally abusing me by doing this but she uses my own words against me practically.

So that's where I'm done. She crossed the line and I feel no pity or guilt or sympathy for her threatening to hurt herself again because she's cried wolf too many times to me. Even if I know she's truly endangering herself...my mind is just clicking into the routine that it's all for show.

ANOTHER THING.

This is MY opinion from MY experiences.
I do not believe in a permanent scientific curse of the thoughts of suicide. I believe it can be changed by one's will power and the proper guidance. I believe that suicidal thoughts are born from one being drowned in negative energy for too long, and eventually it can become biologically permanent. But in its growing stages, it can be stopped.

There are two types of suicidal people I have concluded from my experiences. The vocal ones who want attention and yes, they will still hurt themselves and yes, they have the potential to kill themselves but they will always feel regret if they crawl out of that. Continuously apologizing. The reason they tell the world is because hey want the attention of rescue.

And the other type.
This is true suicide. You want nothing to do with your future, your life, your peers. Nothing. You want out of everything, nothing is pleasurable to you anymore, nothing is enlightening or joyful. They have no guilt of their actions either and it is literally like another personality forcing them against their own will. They despise the dark thoughts in their mind but these still make them do things out of character. These people are the ones who truly need help, they hurt the most. But the worse part, they don't share it, they don't tell you unless you've caught on to an unintentional hint and you've put them on the spot and asked them "Are you alright?" when they're caught off guard. And even then, you're lucky there.

These people do not want to be saved. Therefore they do not tell anyone.

These people unfortunately are mocked by the vocals and its sickening.

I'm satisfied with speaking my word, I can humor myself by pretending you guys that have sided with that rant, decided to read this.

You've made OCs with cold hearts right?

Well what causes cold hearts? What damages them to not care anymore?


think about it.

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Kalina1176
Jess (Right)
Artist | Student | Varied
Canada
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:iconkalina1176:
Kalina1176 Featured By Owner 1 day ago  Student General Artist
OMFG WHAT?!
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:iconpokefan181:
Pokefan181 Featured By Owner 1 day ago
THAT'S THE THIRD SEASON OF BLACK BUTLER! THEY WENT BACK TO THE MANGA AND I KNEW YOU WOULD LOVE THAT.
I'm so pumped for this.:XD: I'll probably still wait for the dub, but still. It's going to be so cool.

***

Also, Sword Art Online 2 AKA Gun Gale Online is looking amazing and I'm probably going to wait for the English Dub of that too, but yeah. I'm so pumped. You're probably going to love that in comparison to the Fairy Dance Arc. :giggle:

***

Oh yeah, and I don't know much about the Durarara Season 2, but it's going to cover more of the light novels, so I guess it will just continue where it left off, which is going to be really cool too. >w<
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:iconkalina1176:
Kalina1176 Featured By Owner 1 day ago  Student General Artist
Wow I didn't expect them to actually continue o:
Friggen awesome given the whole circus phase right now xD

FUCKING HATED ALFHEIM IT WAS ALL FAN SERVICE

I don't watch DRRR
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(1 Reply)
:iconkittypleasance:
KittyPleasance Featured By Owner May 7, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Happy Birthday!!!
:party: :cake:
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:iconkalina1176:
Kalina1176 Featured By Owner May 8, 2014  Student General Artist
OMG thank you ;u;
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:iconkittypleasance:
KittyPleasance Featured By Owner May 11, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
No problem :hug:
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papyrus-tree Featured By Owner May 7, 2014  Student Digital Artist
WOWEE WOWWEEE HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYy!!!!!11
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:iconkalina1176:
Kalina1176 Featured By Owner May 8, 2014  Student General Artist
Thank youuuu xD
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ShadowExiladia Featured By Owner May 7, 2014  Student General Artist
Happy birthday ~ ; w ;;
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